Moms Can Be Driven, Ambitious Workers Too
Working moms will think this title just states the obvious, but unfortunately not everybody agrees that a woman who’s had a baby and taken time off work can come back and be as valuable and committed a worker as she was before. This is why I was delighted to find out that this year’s US Open winner, Kim Clijsters, is a mother -and one who took two years away from the game while she had her baby. If you can regain your place in elite women tennis after two years of semi-retirement, then surely you can go back to your office job and perform at the same level as your male peers? Apparently, the answer is not straighforward.
US Open Winner Kim Clijsters with Daughter Jada
The topic of working women becoming mothers has interested me since I took my first job in corporate America. From the very beginning I realized that here the assumption is that a woman will delay having children for as long as possible, so as to maximize the number of years she can spend fully committed to advancing her career.
Most of my female friends in corporate jobs who dared having a kid in their early 30s complain about having become invisible on their return to work -in some cases less than 10 days after giving birth. They’re understood to have revealed a strong preference for their family life over their job -as if the two things had to be mutually exclusive-, and are no longer considered serious contenders for career advancement.
Worst of all, these assumptions are not only held by men, but also by a majority of women. I’ve heard female colleagues scorn another one who’d had a baby -what had she been doing in this line of work, where full commitment is taken for granted, when all she wanted to do was be a mom?
I’m sad to say that they may have a point in their anger. They fear that the behavior of those who became mothers will reflect badly on them: their bosses could worry that any other woman in the team may be thinking of having a baby soon, and put forward a man -the safe bet- whenever the next promotion comes along.
Unfortunately, I don’t see this state of affairs changing any time soon. We can of course hope for a time when corporations will realize that moms can be devoted workers, and that giving them some flexibility to juggle their job and their children’s needs can benefit everybody involved. But, realistically, from the inside I see no indication that we’re even moving in this direction.
For my part, I’ve given some thought to the possibility of leaving my job and starting my own business once I decide to have kids -for me, delaying motherhood for the sake of my job is out of the question. This is perhaps the easy way out, but I know it’s being considered by an increasing number of women. Many of the mother-entrepreneurs profiled in Secrets of Millionaire Moms mention the flexibility to organize your work-time around your family commitments as one of the reasons why they decided to work for themselves.
Besides, what’s the alternative? Being the last to leave the office and working 60-hour weeks so as to dispel any doubt that you’re as dedicated as the men and the non-mothers? Every time I see a co-worker pathetically reminding everyone that she didn’t turn off her Blackberry during labor, or how easy it was for her to get back to work two days afterwards, I make the same promise to myself: I’ll do everything in my power to never be in their position.
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09/15/2009 @ MoneyCNN.com:
Have a Baby and a Career Too – Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg urges working women not to pass on the next promotion to start a family.
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If you’re a working mom, what was your experience going back to work after having your baby?
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How do you think the challenges facing working moms could be addressed?
PLEASE SHARE YOUR OPINION HERE
September 16, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Geez took me a few minutes to figure out how to leave a comment.
First off I’m not a mom, but I have one, and a wife (and mom) who juggles the same issues. We have the cheap house in a rather affluent neighborhood and it often pains me to see many of the moms working so much harder than the next “guy.” Meanwhile their kids are being raised by daycare. It’s a hard balance, I love that my wife has been home with the kids but she has a strong desire to make her way in the professional world as well. I guess I’ve rambled but I’m with you on not being in their position. FG out.
September 17, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Thanks for the tip on the difficulty leaving a comment, I’ve tried to make it easier now.
I also feel sad for those families (moms, dads, and kids) whose children are “being raised by daycare”, as you put it. In many cases the parents will need to work because it’s so difficult living on one income, and won’t have other choice but to leave the kids with somebody else.
It’s a question of balance, as you say, and it’d be great if every woman/couple were allowed to find their own: those who prefer staying at home having enough support to afford it, and those who prefer to go back to work being able to do so without being judged as less able/committed than their childless peers -by the way, I don’t think that any of the two choices is inherently better, it’s a personal question which one you prefer.
Unfortunately, the reality is that for many people attaining any kind of balance is complicated, and they feel they’re missing out whatever option they choose.
I personally like your wife’s choice of staying with the kids while they’re young and going back to work later. I wish her all the luck when the times comes!
September 28, 2009 at 1:14 pm
As a father of two little ones and husband to the world’s best mother (just my humble opinion), I really enjoyed your article and appreciate your perspective.
My wife is a teacher, so she does find a balance between being home all summer and working outside of the home 9 months of the year. We also struggled with the daycare issue, but we feel like our 4 and 2 year old children are doing fantastic in this setting. They are anxious to get back at the end of the summer!
September 28, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Thank you for your comment, Justin. My mother was a teacher as well -she has just retired-, and her working hours fit perfectly with my brother and my needs.
I don’t remember ever having the feeling that I didn’t get enough time with her, and at the same time I got to have a working mom, which with perspective I realize was something I was very proud of and which encouraged me to be economically independent.
Unfortunately not all of us women can be teachers, and those of us who work many hours will have some trouble juggling children and work. But I’m really glad to hear that your wife has been able to find balance and your kids are happy! It gives me hope that the elusive balance I talk about is indeed reachable!